As we get older, it becomes harder and harder for us to make friends. Do you ever feel sad about friendships that you used to have, but life just got too busy? Or do you wish you had deeper, more meaningful friendships? Today's blog is for you.
Why Adult Friendships Are Different
The easiest answer? We’re busy. Whether it’s work, kids, family, or other obligations, life isn’t as carefree and easy as it was when we were younger. Even if you have a great group of friends, a group text about getting together soon can quickly turn into flipping calendars out a few months.
It’s also so much easier to make friends when we’re younger. It’s easier to become besties with the girl on your volleyball team or connect with the boy who sits next to you in youth group. As adults, we simply don’t have those opportunities anymore.
If you want to connect with someone who shares your interests, you have to put yourself out there. You have to join a book club or a running club. And honestly, that’s scary. So, if you’re like most people, you’ll put it off. You’ll think about how you want to go to that meeting at the library or talk to the woman next to you in spin class, but you won’t actually do it.
Get Realistic About Friendship
If you want to strengthen connections later in life, you have to get realistic about friendship. Not everyone is going to be your best friend, and that’s okay.
Instead of being upset that one person doesn’t fulfill all of your needs, recognize it for what it is. Some friendships serve a particular purpose. When you embrace this idea, you can fill your life with different people who meet different needs.
For example, sometimes, the woman at church makes a great walking buddy, but she isn’t going to be the one you call when you have family troubles. Sometimes, your coworker is great for laughs at lunch, but you rarely see her outside of work. Both of these relationships are beautiful and important, but they aren’t your everything.
Focus On Who Stays
Another thing to think about is to focus on those that stick around. If you have one really great friend from childhood, it doesn’t matter that you don’t have a large group of girlfriends to go on vacation with. Lean into that one really great friend and nurture that relationship instead of focusing on what you don’t have.
Embrace Forgiveness
Just like our romantic relationships, friendships are hard work! Sometimes, it is best to let a fizzling friendship go, but other times, it’s better to dig in, do the work, and forgive them for the fallout.
Embracing forgiveness will help you strengthen your relationships while learning from your mistakes and understanding your friend’s point of view.
Get a Third-Party Opinion
If you find that something is getting in the way of you making solid connections and building friendships with others, there’s no shame in reaching out for help identifying areas of your life that could be holding you back.
A professional life coach or therapist can help you conquer the fear of the unknown or guide you through understanding your own life perspective so that you can connect with others on a deeper level. If this sounds like something you need help with, don’t hesitate to reach out! My one-on-one coaching opportunity could be what you need to develop the skills to strengthen connections and build resilient friendships that last a lifetime.
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